


nothing can last forever, and that is what hurts the most

by caryophyllaceae (xphantomhive)



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Angst, Kankri-centric, Other, Pale Romance, Past Lives, Pining, Red Romance, Unrequited Love, short and sweet
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-22
Updated: 2017-02-22
Packaged: 2018-09-26 04:13:47
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 604
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9861995
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/xphantomhive/pseuds/caryophyllaceae
Summary: Kankri Vantas is alone.Kankri Vantas is alone, and he wishes that he were not, but you can't always get what you want.





	

**Author's Note:**

> me????? writing non-johndave??????? unbelievable

Your hive feels very empty without her.

Not as though she would be at your hive, anyway. She does not remember the way you do. No one does. Aside from Meenah, who looks at you in this  _ way _ , sometimes. Who leaves her hand lingering against Aranea’s for too long when they touch accidentally, and Aranea never notices, and Meenah can never get her to remember. As though she’d want Aranea to remember—that they were both cold, heartless, unforgiving. That, despite her grown-self’s best efforts, she never could seem to capture Mindfang’s attention. Mindfang was always too wrapped-up in her voyages, her captures. The Condesce was always too busy enslaving people, taking over the world one troll-kulling at a time.

and you, well. You are alone. You give long-winded speeches that no one really listens to, not anymore. Porrim does, sometimes. You think she may remember, in fleeting moments—that she raised you from a grub because no one wanted you. As it was, you ended up by yourself, wandering through dream-bubbles, looking for someone. You can still see the look on The Disciple’s face, as you bled out slowly. You can still see the way Meulin looks at you, sometimes, like maybe, she remembers that she loved you. It hurts.

“Kankri,” Porrim says, and you jump. You aren’t in your hive anymore. You’re sitting against a rock next to Porrim, who is looking at you expectantly. “Were you even listening?”

You weren’t, but you nod, nonetheless. Porrim scoffs. She knows you much better than that, of course. You wish she could remember that she raised you, that when you died her life fell apart. One half of you never wants her to remember, though. Because you know it’ll hurt, and you really would prefer that Porrim stay happy than suffer like you do. “No you weren’t. What were you thinking about?” and she knows you, better than anyone else does.

“Nothing,” you respond, and she gives you a face that shows she is very obviously aware that you were thinking about nothing, but she chooses not to comment.  You can tell she’s worried. You’re being short with her today. Your temper hasn’t been doing so well, lately. Usually, you try to stay calm and collected, but lately it has been quite difficult. You know why, distantly. “What were you talking about?”

“It wasn’t important,” she responds immediately, and then she pulls you into a tight hug, as though it’ll be the last time she will ever have the capability of hugging you. Over her shoulder, through her hair, you can see Meenah. You want to hate her for who she was, but she isn’t that person anymore. She isn’t exactly nice, of course, but you couldn’t see her upholding a genocide at the expertise The Condesce had. She gives you a look, one she’s given you before. Sympathy, perhaps. Aranea is standing by her, blabbering on about god-knows-what. You want to hate her too, but it’s quite out of your capabilities. Porrim lets you go. “You can tell me anything, you know? We are moirails.”

You smile softly, tiredly. You are waiting for the end of this life, but it won’t matter, because all you can do is live out your two lives over and over again. You wish your ancestor would listen to you, because you can see the way that olive-blooded girl looks at him—Nepeta, you believe it was—like he is the only thing that matters in the world. And you wish you could tell him to savor her love while it lasts, because nothing stays forever. “I know.”

**Author's Note:**

> thank you for reading, i appreciate it! :)


End file.
